Why It Is So Hard To Love Like God.
Last week, we talked about focusing on being filled with God, as that is our only hope of accomplishing His goal for us – loving Him and loving others so that they will be filled with Him and love Him and others. Our purpose is to propagate sons and daughters of the Most High God, born of faith just as we were. Our goal is not just to get as much God as possible for ourselves – it is to share as much of God’s love as possible with OTHERS.
There’s just one problem. We don’t have a lot of love – not God’s kind of love – agape, self-sacrificial love. We have self-serving lust, most of the time, on the hunt for ways to satisfy ourselves and our own cravings for safety, security and significance. We are trying to GET acceptance and love more than we are trying to GIVE acceptance and love. What is the problem?
I. First of all, we don’t know where love comes from, and we try to fake it most of the time.
1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
4:16 And so we know and rely (believe) on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
We get it backward. We think if we force ourselves to love, it will show that we are born of God. That’s not it. If we are truly born of God and He is living in and acting through us, God’s actual agape love that He has for us and His own Son will flow through us, enabling us to love others as God loves them.
1 John 4:16 says – And so we know and rely (believe) on the love God has for us.
We need not only to KNOW about the love of God, but we must HAVE FAITH in the love God has for us. This has three parts:
1) We must have faith that God loves us. Many of us are lacking in this area. We still struggle with whether or not God really loves us and will do for us what we believe He will probably do for other people. We doubt our worthiness – sometimes because of our transgressions (the things that we do on the outside), or sometimes because of our iniquity (our basic problem with sinful thoughts and desires). Many of us feel spiritual shame – we were once much closer with God, and now feel we have fallen so far away from our first love that He wouldn’t want us back. Maybe we missed our season with Him? No! We couldn’t be further from the truth. God still loves us. His original plan for us still exists, and all we have to do is return to Him with all of our hearts to get back on track with Him.
3:19 This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: 20 If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
2) We must have faith that God has actually put His love in us through His Spirit. We think we have to wing this by ourselves – we have to manufacture love, force ourselves to act selflessly, in an effort to meet God’s requirements. But you can’t manufacture love. It is the fruit of the Spirit, which means it grows naturally out of God’s Holy Spirit (which is inside every believer). We have to “walk” in the Spirit, according to it’s desires and designs, instead of according to our own, for the fruit of love to flow naturally out of us.
1 John 4:13 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God.
3) We must have faith that God’s love will be sufficient, and the more we allow God’s love to flow through us, the more perfect our attempts to love will become. Love entails a measure of vulnerability, which many of us avoid. We don’t want to be hurt again. We have closed ourselves off from any potential sneak attack. But as we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to love one another, God’s love will be sufficient for the moment, and whatever amount of love we pour out, God will quickly replace with more of His own. Only by pouring out the love God has poured into us is His love perfected in us.
4:12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
The Dead Sea is dead because it receives water but doesn’t return it to the sea. It is stagnant, and therefore cannot sustain life because of the high salt content. The Jordan River is the only major water source flowing into the Dead Sea, although there are small perennial springs under and around the Dead Sea, forming pools and quicksand pits along the edges. There are no outlet streams.
If you are not loving others, not providing an outlet for the love God has poured on and in you, you will become over salty. I know we are to be salt and light, but salt is meant to be shared. Too much salt and you become barren.
17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
People misunderstand this verse. They think that if you act lovingly, you won’t have fear. But this verse only refers to the fear of God’s judgment in your life. You won’t have to fear the day of judgment because the fact that you are loving as Jesus loves shows you are saved and safe from punishment. If Jesus lives in you, and you are allowing Him to love through you, you are right with God and safe from judgment.
II. Secondly, we have our own rules about who is and is not worthy of love.
Let’s be honest. Describe the qualities of people that are hard to love. Annoying, mean, hateful, argumentative, ugly, too loud, too quiet, too fast, too slow. We have a million reasons why we can’t love someone. But God doesn’t apply that same criteria to His love.
4:10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
4:19 We love because he first loved us.
Romans 5:8 says:
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Did God love us because we did something great to deserve it or because we loved Him? No, we didn’t even know He existed. He created, knew and loved us first. So we were undeserving recipients of His love. So why do we have our own criteria for who should receive our love?
If God loved us and placed His love inside of us to share with others, and we refuse to do it, we are “profligates” – that word from last week which means “wastrels”, bad stewards of what God has entrusted to us. We are like the servant in the parable who was forgiven a large debt by his master that the servant couldn’t possibly pay, only to unmercifully throw other servants into jail who couldn’t pay. We have been loved, thoroughly and fully, despite our faults and shortcomings. So why are we so stingy with God’s love?
More importantly, God is commanding that, if we love God, we MUST love our brothers and sisters also. This is NOT an option here.
4:20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
Verse 20 talks about hate, so I looked it up:
Hate (miseo)
– malicious and unjustifiable feelings toward others, whether towards the innocent or by mutual animosity,
– a right feeling of aversion from what is evil; said of wrongdoing, iniquity,
– relative preference for one thing over another, by way of expressing either aversion from, or disregard for, the claims of one person or thing relatively to those of another (love less)
1 John 3:15 – he who hates his brother is called a murderer; for the sin lies in the inward disposition, of which the act is only the outward expression.
God is not a respecter of persons. Jew, Gentile, Hebrew, Greek, male, female – they are all the same to Him.
Favoritism Forbidden
James 2:1 My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. 2 Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. 3 If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” 4 have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
5 Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 7 Are they not the ones who are blaspheming the noble name of him to whom you belong?
8 If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,”[a] you are doing right. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11 For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,”[b] also said, “You shall not murder.”[c] If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.
12 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13 because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
Mercy is also translated “compassion” – sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. If you are picking out others’ faults, you are passing judgment on them. But God wants you to have compassion on them, as Jesus would, and to pour out God’s love on them anyway.
These are Jesus’ own words:
Luke 6: Love for Enemies
27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Judging Others
37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
39 He also told them this parable: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit? 40 The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.
41 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 42 How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
It is so easy to see the faults in everyone else, but so hard to remember how messed up WE are. Why do we hold others to a high standard that not even we can truly uphold? We withhold love for people who we judge to be unworthy, and for people that we cannot forgive. But Jesus says that since we are not perfect, we can’t hold others’ flaws and failures against them as an excuse not to sacrificially love them.
III. Lastly, we are afraid of running out of love.
We are hoarders. We are grabbers. We are out to get whatever we want or think we need to make ourselves feel safe, secure and significant. Be honest – our day is not filled with thoughts of how to give ourselves away to others to meet their needs. It is filled with thoughts about how we can get stuff for ourselves.
We don’t feel loved, so we don’t give love. We talk about having an empty love tank, so we have nothing to give. But that doesn’t apply to God’s love. His love is supernatural, it doesn’t run out when it is being given away. It becomes stagnant and useless when it ISN’T being shared and used (like day old manna).
Loving with God’s love has nothing to do with how we feel, or how much human love we have been given or have given away. But we act according to our feelings, not according to the truth. And to make things worse, we COULD feel loved if we would take the time and energy required to spend quality time with Him.
Our relationship with God is very much like our relationship with our loved ones – when we don’t spend time with them, our feelings wane. We feel distant. It is hard to start things back up again, because you are out of sync and possibly feeling uncomfortable with that person now.
So just as we have to work on our earthly relationships, we HAVE TO work on our spiritual relationship. It doesn’t just “happen”. If you want to “feel” God’s love, then spend time in His presence – worshipping Him, talking AND listening to Him, reading letters from Him. If you don’t feel loved, it isn’t because He doesn’t love you. It means you have wandered off from His presence, filling your life and day with other things.
It is a vicious cycle. We wander away, then we feel empty. Instead of going back to Him to be filled up, we start looking in other places to fill the emptiness. Nothing else satisfies, so instead of turning around and going back to the source that satisfies, we try new things to fill us. But NOTHING ELSE will satisfy those of us who have tasted God’s love for us. NOTHING.
Then we become hoarders. Our lives become a search for fulfillment – all about getting, forgetting all about giving. We try every source EXCEPT God. But we only have to turn around and go back to where we were when we last received His love. When we feel filled with love, everything is easier. We are more patient, kind, loving, have more self-control – we exhibit the other fruits of the Spirit.
But when we feel empty, we are like a starving man in front of a banquet table of food. All we can think of is stuffing as much food as possible into our mouths, and into our pockets for later. We’re not thinking about the other starving people around us – it is each man for himself! Therefore, if you are not going to take the time to get filled up with His love, you will go around acting starved for love, prostituting yourself to anyone or anything that will give you a temporary, substandard, substitute love that doesn’t last.
The love we want is God’s love. We want to feel it, experience it for ourselves, and experience the joy of sharing it with others. What kind of love is it? A sacrificial love that requires that we give of ourselves for the benefit of someone else. We can’t give what we don’t have. So we must be filled with Jesus through the Holy Spirit, spend time in His presence, allowing His Word to change our attitudes and actions as we read, meditate and act on it.
16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 18 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
As we give out His love, it will be given back to us, running over. With the measure that we love others, that is how God’s love will be measured in our lives.
Gasoline in a car’s gas tank is useless unless the motor is going and the fuel is circulating. Oxygen in a tank is useless unless it is being pumped into the lungs of someone who needs it. God’s love in a person is useless unless it is being poured out on the people around us – indiscriminately, without prejudice or favor.
In closing, I want everyone to close their eyes and listen to this question. Capture whoever comes to mind in response to this question. Who do you find difficult to love unconditionally because of their flaws? Name their flaws in your head. Now name your flaws in your head. Are your flaws allowable and theirs are not? Are you deserving of love and they are not? If we are to love God, we MUST love others sacrificially, practically, with God’s love (not our own cheap imitation of it) in both word and deed.
I challenge you this week to love the unlovable this week. Find someone who is a challenge to you, and prepare yourself to love them by spending time in the Word and in prayer. Be filled with the Spirit through psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Ask God to let you see that person as He sees them, and to let you see yourself as no better than them. Ask God to remove any false humility or foolish pride that makes you think you can sit in judgment on them.
Now, if there is anyone who would like to come up for prayer due to a love blockage – it could be unforgiveness, past pain that stops you from being vulnerable, lack of faith in God that keeps you from being filled with His Spirit, or just a lazy, apathetic or distant spirit that has come upon you because you have been far away from intimacy with God for so long. Let’s pray and release these hindrances, be filled with the Spirit and His love, and go out and love God as well as our brothers and sisters.